I’m 30 and I’m so paradoxically fulfilled and disturbed.
Since few months ago, my companion, for some reasons beyond its control, had to travel abroad.
Few weeks before his sudden departure, I began a relationship, which should be only carnal, with a colleague. My companion left. At first, I was so desperate. I felt like his sudden absence had revived in me all the love I had for him since ten years. I was missing him and I was unhappy. But it did not last very long. Every day at work, I hung my ex lover. Our unexpected “break” had affected him. I felt bad to have hurt him and my God, I missed him. Certainly sex with him was divine. But it was not only that. I was missing everything, his home, his gentleness, his killer smile. I read in his eyes, “Oh dear, I desire you so much.” So I succumbed. Today, I’m crazy about this man. I have the impression to wake up in the morning only to see him, kiss him, touch him.
I feel desired as ever. And, he cares about me.I don’t want to make any risky assumptions but I think he is in love with me. I am blown … but also so distraught. My man will return by a few months. He is the father of my children, and during all these last years by his side, punctuated with many low but also wonderful moments. I feel cruel to lie to him, to cheat on him.
My lover, is older than me, but no wiser. It makes me experience things that I would never have imagined. And I find myself loving it. But unfortunately that is not all. He is married, has a family, which prevents us from seeing me as often as I would like. And even if a hint of madness would push me to leave my man to live openly my new love, my darling will never leave his wife. For him, family is important.
That is what my thirtieth boils down to : sex, betrayal, lie but so much LOVE.
I hope my 31st year will be less complicated whatever the outcome of this complicated love story (because yes, I need a way out). My 30th year will have triturated me both the spirit and the heart.